Moment With Betty

It is true that a marriage built on love is sweet and can stand the test of time. It is also true that it takes more than love, physical attraction and friendship for a marriage to last long and be successful. Long lasting marriages require efforts that go much deeper than simply sharing common interests and being friends.

For marriages to last long, be beautiful and joyous, you need to be open with each other; I mean full self-disclosure. Be aware of yourself and your spouse, try to understand your relationship with your spouse and others. Respect each other and be ready to learn from each other. Make the necessary sacrifices such as being able to put your needs aside and to attend to needs of others. Marriage can be very rewarding, testing, challenging and fascinating all in one go but trust me when l say that the answer to a long-lasting marriage are not always so direct just as the meaning of a perfect marriage can be different for everyone. Nonetheless, when you come across couples who have fulfilling and enduring marriages, be rest assured that there are mannerisms that everyone can use in their own relationships.

Come to think of it, have you ever wondered how those who have been in marriage for 20 years and above remain happy, loved and content? Do you even imagine what this type of marriage look like? Let me share with you some of the qualities that could make a marriage last long.

• Almost, if not all couples will have a struggle or some kind of difficulty throughout their relationship. Some will be more severe than others but no matter the scale of the challenge, be resilient in the face of the difficulty and be ready to compromise. It is important that both of you are able to solve the problem together. This is the point where the power of effective communication comes handy as this will help you find a common ground. Try not to throw in the towel just yet, get it over with. You know sometimes people tie themselves up in loops of worry and anxiety because they have the wrong information, or they have been brought up to think in a particular way and can’t think of changing their thought pattern.  You need to know the needs and priorities of your partner and vice versa to clearly communicate. Try and listen with an open mind to each other until you are both sure that you have heard and understood each other and mutually take decision together.

• Show your emotions and be vulnerable at times.  Gone are the days when men use to hide their emotions. So in a situation like this, what then happens. Of course, life must continue with good understanding. Just be yourself but be compassionate towards your partner in times of difficulty. By doing that you are showing that you care and respect your partner. It is your vulnerability or helplessness that will connect you to your partner and help to form the foundational bond of a long-lasting relationship. Don’t fight that change because if you do, you will find yourselves in a complex situation. Don’t say” that is the way l am and there is nothing l can do about it.” Here it is not so much what happens to the person but how the person perceives it that brings emotional distress. Trust me, what we believe about a situation and how we perceive its impact upon us personally contributes greatly to the degree of emotional impact we feel. Truth be told, if we are not vulnerable, we are not connected and if we are not connected, we cannot be in a real relationship.

• Trusting your spouse is also very important. Trust is a major pointer to a strong marriage. There cannot be a long – lasting marriage if there is no trust or if trust is broken. If this by any chance happens, you will need to work harder to redeem that trust and relationship. Marriage never works unless worked upon and do not be surprised if that trust takes eternity to come back, do not worry, reconcile, rediscover yourselves and begin again. Remember that trust is all about knowing that you are secured, that your deepest thoughts are protected and that no matter where your spouse will be there will be forgiving love, serving love, persevering love, guarding love, renewing love and celebrating love which will translate into a beautiful support in the long run. 

• Treat your marriage as a long-term investment. What do l mean by that? Yes, be committed to it no matter the difficulty. Remember the promise you made to each other on your wedding day. Remember all the romance, passion and all what not that you both were displaying on the wedding day. So when the chips are down and the moment of realization sets in, these memories are what will be your power to stay on.  A good percentage of men get bored of marriage faster while another good percentage of women go through hormonal changes as a result of childbirth and others. Despite all of that, be focused. This might seem like a no-barrier but those who stayed together were committed to the idea that marriage should last. That means couples would persevere even if they had to go through years of relationship hardship, but they will agree that sticking together was a smart decision.