Moment With Betty

We have in the last few years heard about wives or husbands stabbing or killing each other after professing their Love before the Almighty and other witnesses during weddings. We read them in the pages of the newspapers and even in the social media platforms.

This brings me to the topic of today which is, Matrimonial unity: understanding the other person’s defects, asking for pardon and knowing how to forgive.

The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility. The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, to which the spouses freely consented to live with each other until death.

Marital love is total, exclusive, permanent, and fruitful – a real gift to each other, in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health,” till death do us part” by human standards one might say it is an impossible reality. However, in point – 23 of “Christ is Passing”, St. Paul says that Christian marriage is not just a social institution much less a mere remedy for human weakness. It is a real supernatural calling, a great sacrament, a permanent contract between a man and a woman. Marriage requires efforts, it is a constant beginning and beginning again. Do not take love for granted. Make a joyful gift of yourself to your spouse.

Without matrimonial unity, marriage is impossible. Matrimonial unity also encourages procreation which is ordained by God. lf there is no matrimonial unity, children will have problems. Where matrimonial unity is lacking, the children don’t get proper formation. Some of them may not be well behaved and obedient because each of the parent will want to be the good guy before the children.

Cultural defects can sometimes be a problem in marriage. Just as we have different tribes around the World, so we perceive certain behaviours and attitudes differently that can be a hindrance to matrimonial unity. Thus, a married couple should build their life together on the foundation of a sincere and pure affection for each other and on the Joy that comes from having children. They should be capable of renouncing their personal comfort and they should put their trust in the providence of God.

 Whether you have been married for two months or twenty years, you need to be constantly falling in love with your spouse. Yes, this is not automatic, but marriages need to be continually nurtured and fine- tuned. Marriage is hard work and spouses are required to do everything in their power to overcome the conflicts that will arise, because they will arise. Sometimes when things are not working well, we say “l must have married the wrong person”. You did not marry the wrong person, you just married a different person. There is no perfect man except Our Lord Jesus Christ.  There is no perfect marriage either, it is work-in-progress. We all have our defects however, couples need the grace of the sacrament of marriage to live all the human Christian virtues in them in their married life like; understanding, good humor, patience, forgiveness, refinement and consideration in their mutual relations. The important thing is not to give up the effort, nor to give in to the nerves, prides or personal fads or obsessions. Without family unity, we create barriers that bring us unhappiness. To achieve this unity, husbands and wives must grow in interior life and learn from the Holy Family to live with modification for supernatural and at the same time, human reasons – which is the virtues of a Christian home.

To achieve matrimonial unity, it may be necessary to negotiate how to run the home with your spouse. I mean, who does what and how it should be done. You must be ready to tolerate each other’s excesses and help each other to overcome their defects. Forgiveness is another part of it. We must learn to forgive and also ask for forgiveness.

Believe me, your matrimonial love has a deep impact on your family. It creates an emotional template for all other intimate relationships your children will have. When parents give priority to their marriage, much of their parenting is taken care of. As St. Jose Maria Escriva said,” theirs is a home full of light and cheerfulness. The unity between the parent is transmitted to their children, to the whole family and to everyone who is involved in their life.” The family is the basic cell of the society and the school of virtues. From parents, children learn to love, forgive, share care and bear burdens out of love. When the family is strong, society is strong and there lies the way for future evangelization.

Marriage calls us to an enduring love. Study your spouse, observe, and listen to the non – verbal communication. Unity is not the same as equality, know what makes your spouse happy and what makes them unhappy. Try to focus on constructing and complementing rather than complaining and criticizing. To achieve true love, there must be sacrifices. Marriage is not giving your spouse a makeover but loving each other with your defects. Approach each other with respect, gentleness and understanding as these will help to fuel your marriage.

Make time for each other. Fifteen minutes here, an hour there, an evening together and even an overnight getaway at some point. Let your marriage take priority over parenting, work and friends because it is your vocation. Keep your love young always, manage your tone, be thoughtful, be kind, be generous and sprinkle surprises into the week once in a while. You do not need an easy life to be happy in your marriage, what you need is a heart which is in love.  Take it from me, a successful marriage depends on how well you know your spouse’s needs and how well you meet them. Carve out the time to chat over coffee, after supper, walk, ride bicycle together, or even dance at a planned date night.

Remember that marriage is a vocation, and a sacrament and God has given us the grace to live it. Let us ask for the intercession of the Angels and the Blessed Virgin, to help us live it well.