How Did Your Children See You in Your 40s- Part 11
As your children age, especially into their late teens or adulthood, they likely begin to see the fuller picture that you were human. They begin to see that you had dreams, regrets, fears, and a life before them. This realization might come slowly, but it’s one of the most powerful shifts in a parent-child relationship. But you know what, how they saw you in your 40s may not always match how you saw yourself. But in their eyes, you were much more than your insecurities, your stretch marks, or your missed deadlines. You were the one who showed up, who tried, who loved them through the chaos. And years from now, when they reflect, they may not remember every detail, but they will remember how they felt around you: Safe. Seen and loved.
Today when l look at today’s mothers in their 40s, l feel sorry for them. Yes, l do, because l know what they are up against. Balancing career success with being present and supportive as their children grow. I feel sorry for them because they have a whole lot to contend with such as technological exposure, especially social media. It is not easy yet; the children want an easy life devoid of complications or conflicts.
So, much as l understand their position and feel their challenges, l want them to know that being a mother first, is a gift from God. Nonetheless, being a mother today is both a gift and a chore. You’re raising kids in a fast-paced, digital-heavy, emotionally complex world at the prime of your age, with all your dreams and aspirations steering in your face, and while managing your own identity, career, and mental health. It is not easy in today’s world so, in my humble opinion, l came up with few suggestions that could help you navigate motherhood with clarity, strength, and grace.
First, be mindful of what you see on social media. Social media may show “supermoms” doing it all, spotless homes, perfect lunches, thriving kids, happy marriages but trust me, real motherhood is messy. Ask for help if you must and please say no when you need to and rest. Focus on being present for your children and not perfect. Motherhood today looks very different from what it was for our mothers and us, in our 40s. Today’s moms are raising kids in a noisy, digital, pressure-filled world while often trying to hold onto their own sense of self. You don’t have to be everything; you have got to protect your mental health. I am sure that your children would prefer a mother who laughs with them, not one who’s always rushing or exhausted. Truth be told, a mom in her 40s does not necessarily need to be perfect in every role, don’t get me wrong. Back in my days, yes, l did stive to be that but, you will agree with me that things were much easier in the 90s. l enjoyed and loved it because the environment was very encouraging, and my children and husband were the better for it. However, what l don’t know is what percentage of today’s moms in their 40s can function that way, considering the present situation, globally. If you ask me, l will say that today’s children need moms in their 40s, to be more present in their life, laugh with them and not a mom who is always rushing and exhausted. In fact, they need a mom who will sit on the floor with them, listen to their nonsense stories, and just be with them and for them.
My advice, starting from today, moms in their 40s, should Ignore what they see on social media and avoid being too competitive. Stop comparing yourself to other moms, their wins don’t mean that you are losing. Be truthful to your children, don’t hide every of your flaws, let them see you make mistakes at times and when it happens, apologize. Let them know that no one is above mistakes and that failure isn’t the end, rather, it helps us to grow and become a better person. Slow down, don’t try to do more than your capacity. Believe me, the best moments are often the smallest, sitting on the floor with them, laughing in the car, tucking them in etc. Remember, It’s not about big gestures. It’s all about being there for them.
