Have you as a mom now in your old age ever wondered how your children saw you in your 40s. I know that the thought of this never crossed your mind but. trust me, it will be worth the while if we could sometimes try to recollect how life was between your children and you, in your 40s. I say this because when l watch the relationship between today’s mothers in their 40s, with their children, l could not but wonder how it was like during my time. Thus, judging from what l have witnessed in recent times, l mean, some ugly incidents within my neighborhood between mothers in their early 40s and their children, I was impelled to write this article. This for me was like a wake-up call to go down memory lane and reflect on what is was like during my time.
So, reflecting on my relationship with my children in my 40s and how they saw me, I started, by picturing each of them in my mind at their early age. trying to remember how they related with me generally and individually and picking up their individual albums where l displaced every picture of them that captured both personal and group pictures of all their activities /events over the years, brought back some memories. Starting from their day of births, Christening, 1st birthdays, 1st day at school, to their 10th birthdays which of course, were the special ones we celebrated for them. The other birthdays in between were simply marked within the family but the pictures were also taken and displaced in the albums. These resources helped me to picture their development and their behaviours while growing up so, l was able to visualize my relationship with them as a working mother with so much responsibilities particularly, in my 40s, loaded with so many dreams and aspirations.
Truly, from my own understanding, l would say that my children saw me in my 40s form different perspectives. Firstly, as a mom who was so caring, strong and hardworking but, strict. I would say that each of them saw me through different eyes but, l believed they saw me generally as a strict but loving mom, who knew how to fix everything, ranging from spoilt toys to torn shirts and buttons, and what have you. I guess this was because l never allowed them to see the weak side of me. I tried to be there for them and show them love even at my most vulnerable moments. I never stopped making myself available for them despite my irregular job schedules, as a staff of an international media organization. I believed that they saw me as a super woman who preferred to do everything by herself such as, changing a flat tire of her car, fixing a gas cylinder etc. I remembered one Sunday afternoon when l went out with my children and we had a flat tire on Western Avenue bridge in Lagos. You can imagine how isolated the high way can be with no one in sight to help. l got out of the car, rolled up my sleeves, got the jack and spanner from the boot of the car and changed the flat tire, all by myself and l remembered that my second son looked at me and said, mom, who taught you how to do this? I simply smiled and said, my dear, l learnt it from your dad. I saw the way he shook his head and smiled back at me. I was very sure he learnt something that day. So, I know they saw me as their teacher, guide, good communicator and protector who would stop at nothing to shield them from any danger. I believed that they also saw me also as a good listener and someone who is always available for them and present at each of their school activities and events. I want to believed that my children also saw me as a home maker because l encouraged them to take part in the affairs of the kitchen and the home so, they all learned how to cook and carry out some house chores at an early age and took turns to cook from age 10. I remembered also that my two older sons would approach me for assistance each time they were given some science assignments or technical projects at school and when l asked them to meet their dad for help, they would say’’ mummy please now’’ l believed they did so because they knew that l would always create time for them and may be also because of my technical background. I am sure they definitely saw me as their support system. In fact, It got to point where l wondered if l was over- indulging them or even spoiling them but, l came to the realization that all might be happening because their dad was a very busy man because of his profession. He was always traveling from one city or country to another. Thus, l told myself that l was just over-thinking it.
The truth of the matter is that l derived a lot of fulfillment doing what l was doing because l always noticed the joy and happiness on their faces each time they are around me and each time l was able to attend to their needs. When l look back today at the good old days, and remember the good memories we shared, l am happy because l could see that l did not labour in vain. I see the way they relate with their children and family members with care and love and, this gives me joy. My prayer is that they would carry the gift of my love and commitment to wherever they go, to the glory of God. Amen
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Great article. When you build that closeness and trust with your children at a very tender age, you are instilling in them discipline and healthy habits that foster virtue, freedom and holiness. And when you share that culture with them, those positive habits engage a long lasting relationship. Though deceased, I still maintain a spiritual relationship with my parents.